In Sickness and In Health

Just under 7 months ago, I walked down the aisle and took my vows when I wed my husband, Chance. Before our ceremony, I was aware of his medical conditions and I went in full throttle anyway (we had only known each other about 10 months by that time). I was, and am, in love, and so I repeated the vows as I was instructed. Perhaps, at the time, I didn't realize the true meaning.

Just 4 months after our wedding, Chance was hospitalized for a week due to severe pain caused by his Crohn's disease. I was out of work two weeks, which I didn't mind at all mostly because I liked having the time off, but also, and obviously, because I wanted to be by his side. Being a new wife, I wanted to support. Being Type A and a bit OCD, I wanted to have some control.

I had been to one or two doctor's visits with Chance prior to him being hospitalized, and I didn't agree with some of what he'd been told, "Diet doesn't matter," so I became more involved with his diagnosis and treatment. Although the doctors wanted to keep him on his medication (and he has A LOT of it), they did start to speak more about diet and they did (when we sought multiple opinions) start to open up to acupuncture and other holistic approaches.

After seeing two specialists, we were all of the same opinion that surgery was the only option and that we'd rather schedule something than have an emergency procedure. We had one more ER visit which was the same way we ended up hospitalized in the first place, but after being discharged from emergency care in May, we had a rather "normal" life for the remainder of that month and also most of June, but Chance was in constant pain, eating like a bird, and extremely fatigued. Between April and June, he lost a total of 35 pounds. I feel like I found some of that weight, because like many, I'm a stress eater! Well, that's not entirely true...I'm an eater in general.

Sometime in May, we met with a gastroenterologist at MUSC and I was pleased just looking at him...he was Indian. As stereotypical as that is, I was happy to see a man who I thought might have an open mind to alternative approaches. A month or so later we met the surgeon, a very attractive Ecuadorian in his mid 40s. I liked him from the start for his straightforward, tell you like it is, demeanor (and the fact that he was a foreign cutie). He also happened to be a kick ass surgeon (sorry for the language), and after coming out of the 2 turned 5 1/2 hour surgery, he said in his thick accent, "I was going to do it right. I wasn't coming out unless I was happy."

Back up to the week prior to surgery, and Chance was feeling weaker than ever. He had to consume a protein drink three times a day for the 8 days leading up, and was allowed to eat a normal diet otherwise, but he wasn't taking more than a few bites each meal and he was hurting much of the time. We went into surgery early on Monday morning, July 3rd, pretty hopeful. He was ready for the procedure and to get back to feeling better. I was ready for him to be on his feet so we could do things again. For the past several months, he'd not wanted to go out or even take walks with the dog because of his poor health. He felt guilty and I was sad, for multiple reasons. My inability to travel this summer was making it worse, because like a drug addict, I fiend for international trips. We knew that surgery wouldn't be easy, but we were excited to put it behind us so we could move on with our life, the life of a newly married couple, the life of two people who would like to make a baby. Chance really wants a child, and I do to, but I kept saying I couldn't take care of both, that I'd need him better before we started a family. I think that probably made him feel sad too, actually, I know it did.

During the procedure on Monday morning, Chance's mother, father, sister and I sat waiting, and waiting. My sister and brother-in-law came later to also wait. We had only heard from the nurse once to say that they were "still in there," but with little other updates. I had posted on Facebook when we arrived, and a friend from high school wrote me to say she would be one of the recovery nurses, so feeling extremely blessed by that, I reached out to her once or twice during the procedure to see if she knew anything. She was so sweet and came to tell us she had not heard anything, but that all was well on her end (which was good news because she'd not been given any further instructions for his recovery). When he finally came out and the doctor called us back, Chance's family and I went to a private room to hear the doctor's report. Much as I expected, the surgeon bluntly said to us, "That was bad." I took it well as I'd been praying all morning and I sort of expected to hear that it wasn't an easy procedure, but Chance's mom got really upset. She either hadn't realized the severity of it all yet, was in a bit of shock when the doctor "told it like it was," or was caught off guard as the mother of the patient. No matter, she was very shaken.

I went back to recovery and stayed with Chance, feeding him ice chips, ensuring him surgery was over (he kept asking when he was going in) and trying to determine the state of his emotional capacity. Surgery was more difficult than expected and so there were some things done that Chance nor I were anticipating. From the moment he came out, I wondered if I should schedule the pastor, or a therapist, to speak with him. Luckily, our pastor is amazing and he'd already been to the hospital to pray with us while Chance was in surgery, so I knew if I needed him again, I could get him quickly.

When we later got up to Chance's suite (ha), we were happy for a corner room which had windows on two walls and gave us a view of the harbor, even if you had to look past the construction and cranes. He rested pretty well that first afternoon, shocked it was as late as it was, and I spent the night with him after the rest of the family went home.

Tuesday morning, the doctors all came in really early to check on Chance's recovery. He had slept as soundly as one can with all the vitals being constantly checked. The surgeon came in to chat and drew us pictures of what he'd done the previous day. I, being a visual learner, was ever so grateful. He explained his challenges during surgery, and why it took so long. We had known that Chance had a lot of scaring and an abscess. We'd already been told he had a complicated case. We had seen damage on an MRI, but the doctor still didn't realize the extent of the trouble. When he got in, he had to make some significant decisions. He attempted to complete his tasks laparoscopically, but that failed because he found that the colon on the right side of the body had a fistula, causing a block. He tried to go around it, but found another issue, so he decided he would have to cut, and cut he did. He could have removed the inflamed portions of Chance's colon and then waited to do another surgery, or, he could take out the damaged bits, reattach the good portions, and allow them to heal with an aide. He chose the latter because he wanted to be as least invasive as possible. That being said, Chance came out of surgery not only with an IV, but with three attachments connected to and jutting out of his abdomen, none of which looked comfortable and all of which are still remaining as we round out our first week here.

On a positive note, for the 4th of July, we watched fireworks both from Mt. Pleasant and James Island  right from his hospital room, and went to sleep later that evening knowing that the surgery was a success, even if difficult, and that Chance was doing well.

When you consider the amount of colon removed on Monday, the pain he was in before, the pain he's been in all week since, and the fact that we are still unsure when Chance will get to go home, you begin to wonder how much more he can take, yet, you have faith that all will be better because even Tuesday, Chance said he had no more "Crohn's pain," and that all of his discomfort now was due to the surgery itself. For the time being, he's on a liquid diet after trying solids for a few days. This is because we found that his stomach is not yet fully awake, meaning he can't digest anything. He's had nausea and vomiting throughout the week and is trying to keep down gatorade, jello and popsicles. His feasting has been on jolly ranchers and life savers as the doctors wanted him to have hard candy to suck on to help get his GI track working. When he is able to eat solids again, his only dietary restriction is to eat low fiber. That means no raw vegetables and little fruit. He can have no nuts and nothing with seeds. He can't have the skin or peel of anything. We will be testing out other items to see if we need to restrict dairy all together, which is quite possible, or gluten, or anything else. I'm willing to do whatever is needed, and perhaps the weight will come back off of me (and if not, I'll finish my cleanse to ensure it does).

We've had some scary moments this week, some funny ones, some down right depressing ones, and some full of hope and excitement for the future. Despite the difficultly of his surgery (Dr. George said Chance was one of his top 10 most complicated cases) we are told he is recovering well. He has a long road ahead as we will be taking home some of his "friends," aka attachments, and we will be back in surgery in 8 or so weeks. After that, we are hopeful that he'll be a healthy, active 35 year old male.

It's not been the easiest of weeks on either of us. Chance has his emotions, but keeps them private much of the time. I have mine, and wear my heart on my sleeve. There's nothing bottled up in this body and yesterday afternoon, when I was pacing around the back yard and fussing into the phone, my neighbor came over to check on me. I told her I knew I should have put up a privacy fence, but in truth, I was so happy to have someone to speak with at that moment. Come to find out, she's had to "deal with" a similar situation and so her empathy and first hand understanding was unbelievably consoling.

Monday through Thursday, I was strong and totally felt fine, but as exhaustion set in and answers seemed few and far between, my emotions got the best of me. I've done a lot of crying at home, or in the car, and have questioned a lot of things. I tell Chance all the time that he and I are very different when it comes to medical care. I come from a family that is very involved...that wants to speak to doctors and that questions each and every medical decision made. We are curious, and we want to know what we can do to help, whether we are the patient or the family member. When I would try to gently suggest things to Chance this week, I felt as if he was snappy with me and didn't want my involvement. He felt as if I was being condescending and rude. That is often the case because I am abrasive, and I admit that, but I didn't intend for him to feel that way, so we've tried to have more conversations the last few days, but I will tell you truthfully, it's been challenge. I know there are stages of grief, but there must also be stages for post op emotion, and I intend to do research to find them.

As always, I continue to pray for his strength and while doing so, my patience and release of anger for situations beyond my control. I know who IS in control, I have faith it's all unfolding as it should be, and despite my moments of weakness this week, I am trusting the Lord and His plan. This morning I found a lovely reminder, which I shared with Chance, and which I will share an excerpt with you now...

All of Heaven loves you and is sending you extra protection in your time of need. You will see that when you give your concerns to Heaven, answers and miracles will appear. Doubt and fear block you, but faith in God and Heaven will lift these blocks. Simply, if you are overwhelmed with concerns, let them go. Even if you don't feel confident yet, God is one hundred percent confident about you. Release your fears and trust in God.

Not What I'd Expected

Years ago, I suppose like any little girl, I thought I'd grow up, have my daddy walk me down the aisle, marry a handsome man, and begin my life living happily ever after. In 2010, part of that dream was taken from me when my father passed from Cancer. Although since his passing, Dad has been with me in many ways, it's certainly not the same as having him here in his physical form.

Dad had the strongest arms, like Popeye. I recently had a vision of his arms and two tattoos, which he hated, a crescent moon and "Big Ed." He regretted ever getting those tattoos, and warned all of his children against them. My vision was that his arms were my own, like I put on a Halloween costume of sorts. Perhaps that was a sign of my inner strength; perhaps it was me desperately seeking his.

On this day 6 months ago, I did in fact marry, and my groom was a very handsome man indeed. We did it rather quickly, after less than a year of knowing one another. In all honesty, I didn't think that my person was American, let alone from Charleston (my home town), but the Lord works in mysterious ways.

During the ceremony, I had my mother walk me down the aisle to give me away. Her strength is no doubt what has kept my family together these past 7 years, and recently, my sister has surprised me with her ability to step up into that role of "I've got this," but that's for another time.

Today happens to be Father's Day along with my 6 month anniversary, so much of my emotion is missing Dad, but also it's a bit of me being reminded that things don't always turn out as we'd expect. Sometimes we step into a role thinking one thing, and we quickly find out that there's something else entirely going on. For example, we may take a new job thinking the position is one thing, and we learn that it's not at all what we had hoped. Maybe more is expected of us than we'd like to give, or maybe less is expected and we feel restricted...limited by parameters. Maybe there is too much on our shoulders. Maybe we don't have the materials or supplies needed to do our job successfully. With any of these circumstances, we either figure out a way to make things work, or we leave. I've done this a few times now. My philosophy of education wasn't the same as the school in China, so I resigned. I'm currently in a position where I feel I could be doing more, but based on district policy, I feel unable to do so. We will see if I can make necessary changes in the position, or if I'll be called elsewhere in the future.

In marriage, it's much the same. We have a choice when faced with hardships, either stay, or leave. We go into a union with hopes of a blissful life together, but if anyone tells you that it's all roses and rainbows, they are either lying or oblivious to the of truth relationship. Of nearly every marriage ceremony I have attended, I know of at least one major difficulty the bride and groom have faced since they said "I do." Some couples face their challenges long before their wedding day, yet go forward with the belief that they can fix things. I myself thought it would be easier than it has been, but I will say that we have had circumstances unlike most newlyweds. I can admit that I did not expect it to be so challenging for the reasons we have faced, and I did believe that being married, we'd be better off together, but I too have learned that it's not as easy as one might imagine. I had hoped for a lot of things that haven't yet come into fruition, but I haven't lost faith that they will. I have no intention of going anywhere. I think challenges make us stronger, so I am relying on my faith to get us through this, just like every other difficult situation I've faced.

Six months into our marriage, my husband and I have been challenged with "in sickness and in health" multiple times. He has been in the ER, in for testing, or admitted to the hospital on my birthday, St Patrick's Day, Father's Day (yes, even today) and other non-holidays. We have accrued medical bill after medical bill in our short time together and where I've spent most summers abroad globetrotting, this year I'm home in Charleston, dare I say "stuck," while we wait on test results. I had hoped that my new husband and I would be able to travel the world together...that I'd be able to take him on fascinating tours and share with him one of the things that I love most, but all of that is on hold for now. What is of most importance, obviously, is getting him well, but in some ways, I do feel a bit cheated. That comment is in no way directed towards my husband, so please don't take it as such. Chance certainly can't help his state. He of all people wants to be well. I know he's tired of being the patient.

I also know saying all of this, that some may respond with a "What's wrong with you" kind of attitude towards me. Others may say, "You don't have it nearly as bad as I do." I have heard of stories more trying than mine. My heart goes out to those couples who have suffered or struggled with their own set of demons. I'm not trying to compare myself to others, though, and I'm not trying to get sympathy here. I don't want anyone to look at me and think, "What a horrible person." What I'm doing, or attempting to do, is say that it's not all what I'd expected the first 6 months of marriage to be, and to remind others contemplating marriage to give it serious thought. I actually believe I recall the pastor saying something similar...to try and prepare us prior to our big day.

Do I regret it? No. Do I love my husband less than I did last year when we met? Of course not! I am delighted that we found each other and I am thankful that he loves me as much as he does...I am pretty sure I walk on water in his eyes, which if you know me, is rather funny. I'm not an easy person to live with...ask my best friend-turned greatest enemy-turned best friend again.

Chance is the kindest and most gentle man I've ever known. He would and will do anything in his power to make me happy, and I know that, but sometimes, there are things beyond our control and circumstances can be trying. I just felt, being the honest and upfront person that I am, that I'd let you all know that life does through us curveballs, and in writing this, hopefully encourage you in a round about way...we all have mountains and valleys in life. Our valleys just came early, so I suppose we have lots of uphill travel ahead...pun intended. I'm not disappointed that I'm married or that things have been as they have. I look forward to Chance getting a clean bill of health and to us sharing many experiences together. Think of how strong we will be for having made it through all of this! Although we have had a pebble or two in our path, we have a bright future, I believe, and I'm reminded that often, what we expect or hope for is actually less than we are blessed with, so I will give it to God and let the future unfold as it will.

Despite the trials we have faced alone or together, we are blessed today, and I for one am grateful that I have a husband I believe my father hand selected for me. Happy Father's Day, Daddy, and Happy Anniversary, Chance.

A Rainy Day to Revive Writing

The past two days in Charleston have been wet. We have had cooler weather...around 75 degrees as a high, lots of rain, massive puddles, and quite a few breezes. I have spent the majority of these two days on the USS Yorktown, a retired aircraft carrier turned naval museum. Attending a teacher training, I've heard from historians, a World War II veteran, fellow teachers, and a politician. I learned to solder iron, to fly a jet, to record scientific data regarding a species of underwater plant life from Japan, and even had the chance to take a virtual tour of space. In the archives presentation, I was able to redirect the archivist who shared a tag which she thought had Japanese characters on it, yet I pointed out the Chinese calligraphy I recognized and helped her reclassify. China came up a lot during the two days, but more on that later. It was a fantastic, free, two day event which gave teachers a great number of ideas for incorporating math, science, history and writing into lessons.

During my time aboard the Yorktown, I was able to meet and chat with fellow educators from around the state. One of the common threads that tied us together was our frustration with our low pay, stressful working conditions, and often seemingly impossible situations. Some couldn't believe others' stories, where some truly empathized when they heard of tales from crypt, I mean classroom.

I debated doing this training in the first place, honestly. Free or not, it was two days of my time that I chose to do something school related DURING THE SUMMER, when I really don't have any plans to be in the school setting too much longer. I haven't written in a while, so there is a lot on which to catch you up, but with a rainy day I felt it was time to sit and put "pen to paper" or "fingers to keys," as it were.

So the China thing, I mentioned, came up a lot. Many teachers overheard me say something about my times abroad and then were curious. "How did you do it?" "Where did you live?" "How long were you there?" Some told of their contacts who had been abroad, others asked how they could do it themselves. As always, I gave out my information and told them to contact me...travel is a passion, and if I can help others figure out a way to do it, I will. It's actually been painful, these past 3 days of summer, thinking about this year NOT having an international trip planned for summer break. If my new-ish husband said he understood my travel desires before, he's getting a real good dose of them now, as I remind him daily of the importance of international travel. This girl is addicted...I'll be the first to admit it.

Regarding that comment about not being in the classroom too much longer, there are a few things brewing. Actually, I'm not in the classroom now, and haven't been for a year, but I suppose my next step is out of the school setting altogether. I love kids. I love teaching, but I don't feel like it anymore, not in the same capacity. I have felt the pull away from school for quite some time; I'd say for at least 3 years, if not longer. I will always be an educator and I will always have fond memories of students and experiences, but for me, there is something else. It's funny as just yesterday I thought, "I could leave the school and go back and volunteer weekly." Knowing me, that's what will happen. Maybe my only issue with teaching is that someone else is telling me how to do it when I feel I know exactly what my babies need, yet can't give it to them. There, I said it. Stay tuned on the education front...that's the most I can say for now.

So, what else? A little over a year ago I found a company called Forever Living. It's a 40 year old business out of Arizona which helps others live a better and healthier life. It is a global company in 160 countries, and if I am being completely straightforward, is not something I thought I'd ever do, until I learned more about the amazing opportunity. When I first was introduced to the company, I assumed it was like Mary Kay, not that there is anything wrong with Mary Kay. I just assumed it would be all sales of cosmetics and the like. Then I learned about the expansive product line, and the push to be 100% chemical free, and I learned of the global travel opportunities, and the passion that drives the owner and all those who have joined the company. These people, thousands of them worldwide, have such a burning desire to help others. I have never seen anything like it before in all of my days. People who build one another up, people who encourage success greater than beyond a person's wildest dreams, people who genuinely want to make others' lives better. Teachers want this for their kids, but rarely think about it for themselves. For some ridiculous reason, teachers have allowed "ok" to be, okay. So many gripe and complain about everything, yet continue doing the same thing day after day, year after year. It's not just teachers, of course. The majority of the American population is unhappy with their current working condition. As a matter of fact, I believe the statistic I heard yesterday was that 1/3 of Americans, 100 million people, feel dissatisfied with their lives right now. That is ridiculous, and so very sad. Forever's motto is, "If it doest't make you smile, change it." I am so excited to be a part of this movement. I will always be a teacher, in ways, but important changes are being made.

I'm so thankful for this rainy day, and for the time it allotted for reflecting and writing. There are so many goals I have set for myself and my family, and as always, I am optimistic about what the future holds. I will not be the 1/3 of Americans unhappy in their life. I believe we all deserve better than that, and even more, I believe it is possible to live the life of your dreams.

For more information on traveling and teaching abroad, message me at hesalters4@gmail.com.

For more info on Forever Living's business opportunity or amazing aloe based products, visit http://hannahsaltersglobal.flp.com 

MeatLESS Month of January

I love food. I mean, love food. I enjoy eating out and I enjoy cooking. I love multiple types of cuisines and have been lucky to sample some really amazing foods around the world. I live in Charleston, SC, which has a huge culinary scene; even Top Chef was recently filmed here.

I've never had any true dietary restrictions and the only occasions where I have limited what I have eaten have been when I've been attempting to lose weight or when I have been curious about how certain food affects my body.

My husband, on the other hand, has Crohn's disease, which means he really SHOULD be more careful about what he eats, but even he has very few dietary "restrictions." I put that in quotation marks because different doctors have said different things, and one lovely man even told Chance that his diet didn't affect his Crohn's at all, but if I get off on a tangent about that genius, well...

I'm not one for New Year's Resolutions, honestly. It's not because I think they're bad, and it's not because I think they can't be useful or that I am not up to the challenge, but I'd rather not make a long term "resolution." I do, however, think that setting intentions for a new year is a great thing, and overall, my intention is to be more mindful in 2017. I want to be more intuitive. I want to be aware of things that I've let pass me by in the past. I want to know what my body needs and doesn't need (even if I don't plan to turn down that bag of Cadbury eggs at Easter).

With all that being said, I asked Chance if he'd like to do something in January to test our bodies. I think that eliminating things from your diet is a great way to see how certain foods affect you, and although I've never considered being a vegetation before, we thought for January, we'd go meatLESS. I say it this way because we'll still consume fish and will most definitely consume some animal bi-products, but we will cut out all or the majority of beef, pork and poultry. This way we are limiting the amount of meat we consume.

To start us off, I made a great vegetarian "sausage" dip for New Year's Eve. A few years ago, you see, my brother was told he could no longer eat ANY red meat. He is deathly allergic due to a random hunting incident. He went into anaphylactic shock one evening and the doctors concluded it was from the deer meat he'd been eating. His diet changed drastically and he lost a ton of weight, so my sister, mother and I all started getting creative with what we were making to share with him. This dip was an experiment on his behalf, and it turned out fantastically!!

Each Christmas, my mother makes that sausage and Rotel tomato dip that is eaten with club crackers (Chance argued that his family eats it with tortilla chips, so I suppose one could do it that way). I bought veggie "sausage" from the grocery store, cream cheese, two cans of mild Rotel tomatoes, and I put it all in the crock pot. The herbs were fantastic in the "meat" and the rest tasted completely the same. I was so impressed, and Chance loved it too...he and I both snacked on it throughout the week. The only thing I would have done differently is get the hot version...the mild was not quite spicy enough for my taste! Unfortunately for my brother, he didn't come over in time to get any. I'll have to make another batch next time I see him.

As I mentioned, I love to eat different types of cuisine, and after living in China for a year and a half, I learned to make lots of Asian food. I now cook Chinese and Thai very often. This past week I decided to try a new recipe that called for lemongrass. 

I love lemongrass, the lemony freshness of it, but I have never cooked with it. In order to keep with the meatLESS theme, I thawed some tofu I had rather than using chicken or beef. I searched the internet for a recipe that looked like the ingredients in my kitchen, ran to the Asian market to get what I was missing (the lemongrass and vermicelli) and came back home to make a yummy dish.  Click the hyperlink for the recipe. 

My version of the Vietnamese vermicelli bowl wasn't as pretty as the photos, and it wasn't as spicy, or shall I say flavorful, as I'd like (do you see a theme), but it was really good. The leftovers for lunch yesterday were even better as I went back and added some hot sesame oil. Note here, the lemongrass was tricky to work with and I'm pretty sure it should have been cut even smaller than I managed, but again, the flavoring was good so I'm pleased with my first attempt. Come to think of it though, I'd never cooked Vietnamese noodles like these either, so I'll give myself props for that too!

For Christmas this year, my mother gave me a great daily detox cookbook and I've been eyeing a recipe for a zucchini "lasagna" since I received it, so I opted to make that for dinner last night. The recipe calls for zucchini, cauliflower, goat cheese, garlic, tomato sauce, mushrooms, onion and eggs. It was rather easy to make, despite the call for several dishes which meant clean up wasn't as easy. You sweat the zucchini in salt after thinly slicing them. Use a food processor to break down the cauliflower, then place in a dishtowel and ring out the excess water. Mix the cauliflower with the egg and seasoning and then start on the "mushroom meat." This is a pan of chopped mushrooms and onions in a tablespoon of butter sautéing with garlic. You assemble the "lasagna" just like any other and bake for 60 minutes. Again, mine wasn't as pretty as the picture in the cookbook, but man, it was tasty. Chance went back for a second helping although his first serving was considerably large. I kept to my one small serving so I could have ice cream after (I told you...animal by products are not being cut out...I definitely would find no dairy difficult)! 

When it came out of the oven, it was all melty and smelled phenomenal. As you can probably tell, I did't use goat cheese. I had mozzarella at the house, so that was one adjustment to the recipe. It was very, very good, but I can imagine the goat cheese would be a whole different flavor, and one I'd like to try.

So, for the first week of our MeatLESS month, I think we're doing pretty well. Tonight we're having pasta, which is a lazy night for me but it's been a long day. Tomorrow we may do vegetarian pizza. I'm not sure if this will help Chance's Crohn's or not, but I'm willing to try different things to help him, and perhaps next we'll go Gluten free to see if that makes a difference, but shhhh, don't tell him. I don't want to scare him off before our one month anniversary!!